I'm a Monster
by Jammequin
Summary: This is set very much within the Blacklist world. The only exception being that Red is not quite all he seems to be, in even more ways than we or Liz suspect... There is no Tom, he is long gone. Also no Agnes. AU set sometime in S2.
1. Chapter 1

I own nothing of The Blacklist nor do I make any money from this work.

PROLOGUE

Red sat in the armchair by the window, his eyes fixed on the clouds passing across the moon high up in the sky. It was just after midnight, his favourite time. He could feel himself relax, his muscles slowly becoming less tense as he continued to stroke the neck of the woman kneeling at his feet.

She was between his legs, completely naked. Her eyes were also fixed outside the window but for her the fascination was not shared. Although she had been with him several times in the last few years, she had not yet grown fully accustomed to his ways or his needs. His very specific needs. She tried hard to keep calm, knowing no real harm would come to her, it never had. But she also knew what was about to happen would be painful.

Red's hand started to move faster and to press down around her neck more firmly. He was close. Just a few more minutes and it would be time. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent, his cock responding to the smell of her fear. He took little pleasure in causing anyone to be scared of him but in these moments he could not help himself. He had needs that could not be ignored. If they were not taken care of, he would not survive.

When the time came, it happened fast, as it always did. Leaning forward, he tilted her head to the side and licked her throat, starting just behind her carotid and ending up at the front, by her larynx. Holding her steady, he fixed his mouth to her pulse point and bit down hard.

Twenty minutes later, Dembe was making the woman comfortable in another bedroom. She was placed on a saline drip and then allowed to rest. She would be paid handsomely in the morning when she left. She had come willingly and would be free to leave. Red had never had to force anyone to help him sate his appetite and he never would. He'd die first.

Coming back into Red's room, Dembe picked up the woman's clothing and glanced over at Red, who was sitting still in his armchair. Dembe knew he wouldn't move now until morning.

'Good night, Raymond. I'll take care of her tomorrow. Get some rest'.

Red smiled at his friend, feeling better than he had for days. He knew for his own health he should be doing this far more often than he did but he kept it to the bare minimum. The guilt he felt had never fully diminished. The shame of having such an unusual appetite. The sheer necessity that in order for him to live, he had to cause pain to others.

'I'll try, Dembe. At least that's it for another week', he said, managing a sad, rueful smile. Dembe left the room, closing the door behind him.

Red looked up at the moon again, now fully visible, the clouds having dispersed entirely. He wondered for the thousandth time why he had to be this way. It hadn't always been like this but it had been now for so long he barely remembered a time before it. Shaking his head as if to get rid of such unhelpful thoughts, he looked down at the bulge in his trousers and reached to pull down his zipper. He wouldn't be able to relax fully unless this was also taken care of. Cupping himself, he set a brutal rhythm, taking very little joy from the action of bringing about his release.

Tomorrow he would turn up back at the Post Office as if nothing unusual had happened. He would spend the day helping to find more Blacklisters with Lizzy and the team. He would come home in the evening and feel just as alone and full of self-loathing as he did now. It was all he knew.


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, Red arrived at the Post Office feeling sprightly and full of energy. As the elevator doors opened to give him a view of the bull pen, he stepped out and walked towards the main banks of desks. A new photograph on the wall caught his eye and he stopped to peruse it, quickly establishing that it was a recent picture of Malcolm Simmons, whose name he had recently passed onto the team as a target on his list. He had been making waves in the last few months and Red had surmised that he was attempting to muscle in on some of his business in the buying and selling of stolen art. The difference between him and Red being that Simmons also traded in people. He was a truly foul individual, utterly deviant in his ways and ruthless. Cooper and the team were happy to learn of his existence and had been working hard the last week or so trying to find out where he was currently.

Red turned his head to the side and glanced over towards where he could see Lizzy sitting, looking over something on the computer with Aram. As he watched, she reached up and gathered her hair, fixing it into a ponytail. As she did this, her slender neck was revealed and Red stared at it, transfixed. His heart stopped with the beauty of it and with the sudden hunger he felt within himself. Without realising what he was doing he started walking towards her, his eyes never moving from her neck. As he drew closer, he could actually see her pulse beating there and just as he was about to reach out to touch that magical spot, thankfully his reverie was broken by Ressler calling out to him.

'Hey, Reddington. You come to help us with this Blacklister of yours at last?'

Red's head whipped around to face the younger man, a near snarl on his face. His eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared, his hand quickly moving back to his side, away from Lizzy. Thankfully Ressler hadn't waited for an answer from Red and had turned back to Cooper, continuing the conversation they'd been having.

'Hey Red, you just get here?'

He turned back towards Lizzy and saw her looking up at him inquisitively, a small smile on her face.

'Yes, Elizabeth, just now'

She patted a chair next to her and indicated he should sit down, 'You should see what Aram has found concerning this Simmons creep. We think we know where he is'.

Red, his composure now restored and his mask back in place, beamed at Aram and sat down next to Lizzy, automatically moving his chair a little closer so he could see the screen. At least that's what he hoped it would seem like.

Over the next half an hour or so Lizzy and Aram excitedly told Red all about how they'd tracked Simmons into the country and how they'd worked out where he was almost certainly planning to be making some deals. Once this briefing was finished, the whole team gathered to thrash out some ideas as to exactly how to catch their target, preferably with enough evidence to put him away forever. The only issue remained that Simmons appeared to have four different deals going down that afternoon, all at the same time. This puzzled the team but Red seemed nonplussed.

'It's a good way to help ensure he isn't captured or taken out by rivals. He's done it before. Nobody knows which of the meetings he'll frequent so it helps his chances of not being found. Plus if he's only in the country one day, this way he can get a lot of business done and be gone like that', Red finished, clicking his fingers.

'So what you're saying is that we have no way of knowing which of these deals he's likely to attend?'

'I'm afraid not, Harold'

'How many men does he normally have with him?'

'Not many. Often just himself and a couple of goons to lug the items from truck to truck. He likes to be in and out quickly and unobtrusively'.

'Okay, here's the plan then. We'll go in 4 teams with armed backup. Ressler, Navabi, Keen and myself will lead the teams. Reddington, I'm assuming you'll want to ride along with Keen?'

Red merely smiled back at Cooper, no vocal answer necessary. Lizzy glanced at him, feeling much more confident he'd be there to have her back. If anyone could sniff out trouble before others could, it was Red.

'Okay, I'll organise for some men to travel with us. We leave in an hour'.

With that, Cooper and the other agents started to busy themselves readying for their missions. Lizzy headed into her office and Red followed, close on her heels. She hadn't heard him come in after her so when she turned back from her desk to head towards her locker, she gasped when she found herself just a foot away from him.

Red smirked knowingly at her before seating himself in Ressler's chair. In an attempt to reassert her authority, Lizzy perched on the edge of the desk, looking down at Red. However, he just smiled back up at her beatifically. She sighed inwardly. She should've known better than to think the simple psychological ploy of 'taking the higher ground' was going to faze Red in any way whatsoever.

'It's not like you to dirty your hands along with the team, Red. I thought you liked to do most of your work in the shadows?'

Red laughed one of his signature single bark laughs, finding her scepticism amusing. That and the fact she'd come closer than she'd ever know with that statement when it came to the truth of his double life.

'Ordinarily, yes, my dear. But I have nothing in the diary for today'.

Liz frowned at him, his glib nature not fooling her at all.

'And, yes…. This one is personal. I have always suspected he had some part in the selling of Dembe when he was a child. I want him gone. And I want to be there when he goes down. One way or another…'

'We're not going to be trying to kill him, Red', Liz replied, not unkindly. She was fond of Dembe and could only imagine how much Red wanted the man dead who had murdered his friend's family and ripped him from his prior life.

'Of course not, sweetheart. But one can never predict the outcome of any mission, wouldn't you agree?'

She didn't reply, merely sliding off the desk and heading for her equipment locker. She quickly found all the things she'd need for their outing and started packing them into her go-bag. Having done that, she sat back down at her desk and started reading through some more notes on Simmons and what they knew of his previous dealings. Glancing up at Red, she caught him staring at her, a far-away expression on his face.

'Rather than trying to read my mind, do you think you could maybe go get me a coffee? Seeing as I'm busy and you're just, you know, sitting there….'

Red stood at once and mock bowed to Lizzy, turning sharply on his heel and out the door, 'Anything for you, Elizabeth. Especially as you asked so sweetly'.

Lizzy couldn't help but smile. Red was in a much better mood today than he had been the day before. She'd almost felt afraid of him, his eyes blazing with anger and irritation no matter what anyone had said to him or done for him. For a man, he really seemed to suffer from mood swings, she smirked to herself.

The first of the two black SUVs they were travelling in pulled to a halt around the side of the scrapyard in which they suspected Simmons or his goons would be meeting. The cars were nicely camouflaged from sight by the piles of other, wrecked motors scattered about the place. Red, Dembe and Liz disembarked and went into the warehouse, followed by six men in SWAT gear. Finding a perch from which they could see where the deal was going to go down, Lizzy looked out through a gap in the wooden slats.

'Okay, you four', she said, pointing to the four SWAT members nearest her, 'You head on over to that shack on the far side. You two stay here with me and my assets'.

The SWAT members were all too aware just who they were there with today. They were part of a few elite members of the FBI's SWAT teams who knew of Reddington's deal with the FBI and were sworn to secrecy. His being there didn't occupy their minds at all.

Once everyone was in position, all they had to do was wait. And it didn't take long. A small black truck pulled into the yard about half an hour later, stopping about 50ft away from them. Five minutes after that, a similarly sized blue truck pulled up and two men got out from each vehicle. Lizzy got on her radio and told the other team not to move until the items were on show and she gave the order.

A briefcase was handed from the black truck men to the blue truck men and it was opened and checked through. Then the blue truck men headed to the back of their vehicle and opened up the doors, jumping in and then coming back out again, struggling with the weight of a large wooden crate.

As soon as she saw this, Lizzy gave the order and she and her eight colleagues all ran out from their vantage points, shouting loudly for the men to drop what they were holding and put their hands up. They all complied immediately. However, just as Lizzy had holstered her weapon and started to reach for her handcuffs, suddenly all hell broke loose.

The back doors of the black truck burst open and men started streaming out, shooting at what seemed to be everyone there, other than their own companions. Some gunfire was returned but within a minute every single member of Lizzy's team was down injured or dead, except her and Red. The two men from the blue truck were also down.

She looked at Red, dumbfounded. What had just happened? However, Red was trying to turn Dembe over to see how he was, his efforts quickly thwarted by a blow to the temple from one of their assailants. Just as Lizzy was about to run toward Red, she too felt a hard knock on the back of her head and the world turned black.


	3. Chapter 3

Red's first sensation upon coming to was that he couldn't feel his arms. As he struggled to regain full consciousness he came to realise that this was because they were strung up above his head, supporting his full body weight whilst he'd been unable to stand. Shuffling his feet a bit in order that they could take his weight, slowly beginning to realise what kind of situation he was in, he took the strain off his wrists and shoulders, hissing in breath sharply as he did so. He believed nothing had become dislocated. Blinking rapidly, he peered out from under his eyelids, the bright light in the room causing him to discover his arms weren't the only thing that hurt. His head felt like Babe Ruth had used it for batting practice.

However, once he was able to look about himself, he soon forgot about his own predicament. Lizzy was in a similarly trussed position herself, just six feet from him. She hadn't come to yet and he quickly started calling her name, becoming increasingly more worried when she didn't stir at all. He was just about to start seeing if he could do something about the manacles restraining him when he heard the door open. Two men came in, each carrying automatic rifles. They came and stood in front of him and smiled as if greeting an old friend.

'So, you decided to wake up, did you, Reddington?'

'Who are you?'

'Not important'

Thug A turned to Thug B and nodded at Lizzy. B seemed to know exactly what he meant as he went over to the sink at the side of the room and filled a cup there with water. He then walked over to Lizzy and, holding her head up, poured it over her face.

'Get your hands off her!', Red shouted, his arms straining at his cuffs ever more urgently.

'Easy tiger, easy. Just seeing if sleeping beauty wants to wake up yet'.

Red peered at Lizzy, trying to see what damage she had had done to her but he couldn't see from where he was. However, the water had done the trick and she slowly started to come round, groaning as she did so.

'Ah, there she is. Welcome to the party, Agent Keen. Fashionably late but I guess that's a woman's prerogative', B said as he brushed Lizzy's wet hair from her face, allowing his thumb to linger a second too long near her mouth.

Red nearly broke his shoulder trying to get free. He roared and bore his teeth at the man touching his girl like that. B just laughed and walked back to stand in front of them both.

'Lizzy, are you okay?'

'Red…. Where, where are we….?'

But before he could answer her, A interrupted, 'You guys can chit chat all you want once you're alone but if you don't mind we've got a plane to catch. Mr Simmons sends his regards to you, Reddington. He says he hopes you'll find your accommodation up to your usual standard. But if you don't, feel free to fill in a complaints form. He'll be back to speak to you and your little girl-toy here in a couple of weeks. By then he's hoping that you'll be amenable to any and all offers he has to make to you regarding him relieving you of some of your business interests'.

Red's eyes opened wide as he started to calculate exactly what the man was saying. He and Lizzy were going to be locked in this room, alone, for two weeks. If he were an ordinary man that would not be so much of an issue. He had already clocked that there was a large pile of boxes containing food and water in the far corner of the room and he assumed the only other door in the place led to a lavatory.

'No, no. You can't do that!'

'Aw, come on, don't tell me a couple of weeks of vacation time worries the big bad Raymond Reddington', Thug A laughed. 'I'm afraid I have not been granted the power of negotiation so you're just gonna have to suck it up, amigo'.

'Please, please….. You don't understand. You can leave me here but please take Elizabeth with you. She's got nothing to do with this'.

Red's heart soared as A headed towards Lizzy, reaching up with a key to unlock one of her cuffs. Her other hand was still attached to the wall and she didn't appear to have come to entirely yet as she wasn't saying anything, just observing proceedings a little groggily.

A placed the handcuff key in Lizzy's free hand and then walked away from her, 'Sorry, no can do. Mr Simmons wants you both here. He figures you'll be more persuadable with the girl present'.

'I'll give you anything, anything not to do this. Please. I have more money than you can imagine….'

But Red's words were wasted. The two men had left the room and the last they heard of them was a series of locks and bolts being attached and fixed in place.

'What's the matter, Red, you worried we're gonna run out of conversation?'

Red looked over to Lizzy, who was looking at him, attempting a smile. His stomach dropped as he thought of how he was supposed to be the man who looked out for her, who protected her no matter what. How was he supposed to do that in the next two weeks? She saw the look on his face and frowned.

'Hey, Red. What is it? I know this is pretty crap but we're either gonna be able to break out or we're gonna have to cope. I'm sure you've been in much worse scrapes'. Lizzy was still trying to soothe Red, she could see how terrified he looked and it was starting to scare her. And, if she were honest, she was worried about him too. He wasn't the kind of man to show fear. Or to beg. Why had he been so clearly horrified at the prospect of them being stuck in here? She looked up at her hands and quickly used the key Thug A had left in her hand to pop open her other cuff. The second she'd done that, she walked over towards Red to free him.

However, she quickly realised that he'd have to wait a moment. She had lost all feeling in her arms and was going to have to allow blood flow to resume properly before she could lift them again. Looking up at him, she saw he looked close to tears. She didn't know what on earth was going on with him but she stepped into him and managed to get her hands as high as his jacket pockets, inside which she rested them, giving him a very clumsy hug.

'Just give me a minute to feel my arms again and I'll cut you loose, Red'

Suddenly Red had a thought, 'Lizzy don't'.

Lizzy pulled back from him, looking up at his face, 'Sorry, I thought you might need a hug. I shouldn't have…..'

'No, no, not that. Don't cut me loose. Just leave me chained up'.

Lizzy blinked a couple of times at him and then laughed lightly, 'This really isn't the time for one of your suggestive comments, Red'

'No, I'm serious. Leave me like this. You must!'

'Okay, that's enough of that. I'm getting you down right now. I need to see just how hard those bastards hit you because you're acting very oddly'.

She stepped up to him again and reached up to unlock his cuffs. Red almost growled in frustration. Short of physically preventing her from letting him free by kicking her away, there was nothing he could do. He felt his arms fall as he was released and allowed them to sag to his sides. He then just sank down the wall and let his head fall forward, staring blankly at the floor.

Lizzy crouched down next to him and took the opportunity to examine his temple, 'Well, there's some blood and some nasty bruising. Other than that I can't really tell if it's fractured or anything. But I want you to take it easy. You're really not acting like yourself '.

Red huffed with laughter. Just you give it a few days, he thought to himself, before sighing and looking up at Lizzy.

'And your head?'

'Hurts like hell. But I don't feel dizzy or nauseous. We can keep an eye on each other. I'm gonna go get us some water and then we can see just how secure this place is'.

He watched her as she walked over to the boxes of bottled water. Pulling one out, she found a couple of plastic cups and filled them before returning to his side. Handing Red one of the cups, she sank down next to him.

'Cheers'

Red couldn't help himself, he laughed at her attempt at levity, 'Cheers, Lizzy. Although I believe it's bad luck to toast with water'.

'Yeah, well, I think the bad luck's already happened, Red'.

'Yes, indeed. Malcolm has played me for an utter fool. I should've seen this coming'.

'Don't you go blaming yourself, Red. That's not gonna help either of us. We'll be okay. We always are'.

He looked up at her and met her eyes. She didn't look too worried. No doubt she was under the impression that her knight in shining armour would find a way out of this mess. Like he always did. He couldn't bring himself to look at her for too long. He was terrified and didn't want her to see. One of them wasn't going to survive more than a week down here. And there was no way he could explain to her why that was.


	4. Chapter 4

Once Lizzy felt able to move about she got up and went back over to the boxes of supplies. A brief investigation told her that they'd be eating plenty of canned goods in the next couple of weeks. Plus chips and nuts and other snack food. There was fruit too, 'Well, at least we're not gonna get scurvy, Red'.

Red was watching her the whole time, desperately thinking of some way they could get out of this. Neither of them had any equipment on them; guns, knives or phones. He still had the tracking chip in his neck but he had no idea if it was going to be any use to them. It depended on how deep underground they were. There were windows high up above them, Red guessed about 25ft. Just a couple of skylights to allow some natural light in. In the unlikely event either of them could even get up that high, they had sturdy looking metal bars across them. The structure itself seemed to be composed of concrete and he imagined it would be pretty thick. Nothing could be done to boost the signal of the chip so if that was going to be the thing to allow them to be found, they'd just have to sit and wait and see.

Lizzy disappeared into the door on the other side of the room, quickly reemerging, 'We have a lavatory, a sink and the world's smallest shower cubicle. And two towels. Gotta hand it to you, Red, you've managed to find us some fairly decent kidnappers'.

Red grimaced as he got to his feet, heading towards her, 'I'm so sorry, Lizzy. Obviously I had no idea this might hap…'

'Red, shoosh. I know. And it's fine. I mean, it sucks, don't get me wrong. But we're both in one piece. And I'm still pretty confident we're gonna find a way out anyway'.

Red looked around and saw that there was only one piece of the wall he couldn't assess. Walking towards it, he moved the mattress that was leaning there onto the floor, allowing it to drop with a soft thud. There was nothing behind it but more concrete, although on the floor were two pillows and a couple of blankets.

'Well, the wall seems to be solid the whole way round. But I found our most decidedly uninviting sleeping quarters'.

Lizzy came over and looked down at the mattress. It was clearly fairly old and had a couple of suspicious stains on it. Sitting down, she wrinkled her nose and looked up at Red, 'There are more springs than soft bits'.

Red couldn't help but laugh at her, 'You still think our kidnappers are decent?'

'Well, it's better than the floor'

'I'll give you that'

'I guess they wanna keep you a little bit sweet before they try to steal your businesses'

'Most thoughtful of them…'

Red was now looking through the supplies in the boxes. Eyeing up all the food in there, he knew he should at least appear to be hungry and so pulled out an apple and bit into it.

'You want one, sweetheart?'

Lizzy nodded and so he picked up another one and tossed it over to her. Turning then to the door, he went to have a closer look. The hinges were on the outside, there wasn't even a handle on their side. And it was made from very solid looking metal. There didn't seem to be anything in the room that could possibly assist them in opening it. However, he would continue to search through the boxes until all options had been exhausted.

An hour later and they were sitting side by side on the mattress, each eating cold beans out of the same can. Neither was particularly in the mood to chat but Lizzy felt the need to say something, if only because Red still seemed to be unusually worried about the whole scenario in which they'd found themselves.

'This is high quality plastic cutlery we've been given, you can't deny it'

'Hmm?'

'The cutlery. It's not the cheap plastic stuff, it's top end'

'Elizabeth, are you serious?'

'Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood'

Red huffed and looked over at Lizzy, who was holding the can of beans but no longer spooning them up, 'I'm sorry sweetheart. You're right. No need to mope. It won't help. And we need to stay positive'.

Lizzy smiled shyly at him and resumed eating the beans, 'I don't think there's anything in here we can use to escape to be honest. But maybe the guards will come back to check on us? We have to be ready if they do'.

'They might. I doubt it if I'm honest but we most definitely need to be ready. Maybe we can hit them over the head with one of the bananas?'

Lizzy snorted and nudged Red in his side, making him laugh too.

'Okay, you assault them with a banana. When they're suitably subdued, I'll tie them up in toilet paper'.

'Excellent, Lizzy. Well, I believe that plan will work should the opportunity arise'.

Lizzy stood up from the mattress and took Red's spoon with her to the lavatory, giving it a wash in the sink. She then deposited the empty beans can in one of the cardboard boxes they'd emptied in order to have a bin and turned back towards Red, her hands on her hips.

'Hey, what are we gonna do about our clothes? We're gonna stink in a couple of days'

'I'm not sure that's a priority, Lizzy'

'Well, it is to me. I have a very strong sense of smell you know. Plus, we don't exactly have any other priorities, do we?'

Red ceded the point and cocked his head, 'We'll just have to wash them in the shower and then wear the towels or bed blankets whilst they dry'.

'Yeah, that'll work. At least it'll give us something to do. I wish they'd left us some books. Or a chess board. Or…. Well, anything really'.

'We can make a chess board easily enough. Just need to mark the floor and find something we can use as pieces'

'Ooh, good idea! I'm gonna do that now'

Turning away from Red, Lizzy bent over to get the tin can she'd just thrown in the bin, 'If I squash this a bit, I can use the edge to scrape the floor'. She chose a spot near one of the corners and sat down to start on her task.

Red watched her, his eyes following her every move. She was so concentrated on what she was doing she didn't notice him staring. It had been nearly twenty-four hours now since he had eaten. Another few days and the hunger pangs would start to torment his mind. He would be able to stave off his needs for a few days after that. And then….. Well, he knew what would have to happen then. And whilst it broke his heart to imagine doing it, he knew he would if he had to.


	5. Chapter 5

It didn't take Lizzy long to finish up scoring out the basic 8x8 grid of a chessboard. She sat back and stared down at it, a line furrowing her brow.

'What's wrong, Lizzy?'

'It's wonky, come see'

Red got up and came to stand over her shoulder, gazing down at her efforts. Some of the lines were indeed a little unevenly spaced but it was more than good enough for them to play a game or two.

He stifled a laugh and crouched down next to her, 'Elizabeth, I know you're a perfectionist, but I feel this is more than adequate for a jail cell chessboard'.

She glanced over at him and smiled, then laughed. 'Yeah, okay, good point. Now I need to work out what we're gonna use as pieces. We need sixteen things the same but in two different colours. And then two kings and queens, different colours…..'

Lizzy allowed herself to tail off, knowing that Red knew only too well what they would need. She looked about their spartan cell and started thinking. Red too cast his thoughts towards what would work. Glancing down at himself, he realised he had enough buttons between all the pieces of his clothing to manufacture the pawns but quickly dismissed the idea as the thought of his vest and shirt hanging open for the next fortnight wasn't one he was sure Lizzy would be happy with.

Lizzy stood up and went towards their stash of canned food. She tugged at some of the paper coverings on the cans and quickly ascertained that some were white and some blue on the inside.

'Okay, so we can rip off a couple of labels and have white pawns and blue pawns if we tear them into little squares. The other pieces might be harder though'.

Picking up a can of corn and a can of beans she threw one to Red and tore the paper off her own one. Within a minute they had their 16 pawns in place.

'Well, that's a start. However, I'm feeling pretty tired. I think I might have something to eat and then maybe try to get some rest'

'Good idea, sweetheart. What delicious dinner awaits us?'

'Ummm….. How about sharing a can of chilli and this can of corn?'

'Positively gourmet, my dear'

Lizzy picked up the can of chilli and came to sit back down with Red on their mattress. They sat and ate quietly again. Something about the mundanity of their food and the task of eating out of cans didn't lend itself to conversation. Once they had finished their rudimentary dinner, Lizzy took their spoons to the bathroom and washed them and then got herself ready for bed, washing her hands and face and taking off her shoes and jacket.

When she returned, Red went in and completed his own evening routine, as best he could. Emerging back into the main room, he switched off the lights and lay down on the mattress next to Lizzy. Both of them were trying desperately not to make it seem awkward, however that in turn made it more so. Lizzy was facing the wall and really felt like turning onto her other side but then she would be staring at Red. And she just knew she'd never fall asleep like that. Red was perched on the very edge of the mattress, as far away from her as he could be without falling on the floor. He knew he was being ridiculous, there was nothing romantic about their sharing of a bed, but he couldn't help the unbidden thoughts that were rampaging through his mind in this moment.

After about half an hour, Red could hear that Lizzy's breathing had changed and that she was most likely asleep. He gently rolled himself over so that he was able to look at the back of her head. He wanted so much to reach out and touch her, just to reassure her in her sleep that he was here and he would protect her, but he didn't dare. The light from the windows high above them was enough for him to make out her features quite clearly; he surmised there must be a bright moon tonight. Casting his eyes over her form, eventually they alighted upon the side of her neck and he saw her pulse beating strongly and healthily, easily within his reach. At first, he couldn't tear his eyes away but then, with a barely audible growl, he turned himself onto his back. He needed to be better at controlling himself, he thought, chastising himself for his moment of weakness. Firmly closing his eyes, he forced his breathing to slow down and resisted the urge to open his eyes again. It took a while but at last he too fell asleep.

The young Raymond Reddington had absolutely no idea where he was. He had been on the run now from his own government for nearly six months and so far, other than evading capture, he had achieved nothing. His back was healed enough that he could move around freely without medical care and so he had fled to South America. He thought he was in Bolivia. But maybe that had been last week. He had drunk so much rum tonight he would be hard pressed to remember his own date of birth. Tripping over a cardboard box in the alleyway he was stumbling along, he laughed to himself. Sometimes he found himself laughing about his situation. Other times he cried. Not just for all that he'd lost but for what he'd had to leave behind. He had no way of knowing how Elizabeth was, he just had to pray she was okay with Sam and hadn't been discovered.

Coming to the end of the alleyway, he looked to the left and was faced with a dead end. Dammit, this was supposed to be a shortcut. He walked up to the wall and undid his fly, releasing a seemingly never-ending stream of urine against the wall, a lot of it bouncing back onto his shoes, not that he noticed. Not that he'd have cared if he had noticed. Finishing up, he shook himself dry and tucked himself back in his pants. Using the hand against the wall to push off, he managed to lean back without falling over. It was then he realised he wasn't alone.

Squinting back along the way he had come he saw two men approaching. No, wait, he was seeing double. Unless they were twins. Not just twins, but fully grown male twins wearing the same outfit. He found himself laughing again at the thought of that. He shut one eye and peered closely. Okay, just one guy. However, something about the man's demeanour wasn't right. The way he was striding towards Red with complete confidence. Red tried to sober up but only managed to lurch drunkenly against a dumpster when he attempted to pull himself up to his full height. Had they found him already?

The man stopped about five metres away. He was just looking at Red. Red couldn't wait any longer, he needed to know who this guy was.

'Do I know you, buddy?', he slurred out, hoping to sound casual.

The man didn't reply, just kept staring at him. Then Red could swear he sniffed the air between them, like a damn animal. This scared Red more than anything else he had done so far.

'Hey, come on pal, this isn't funny'

The man smiled and at last said something,

'No hablo Ingles, senor'

Just as he was saying this, the man threw himself at Red, pinning him with ease against the wall. His leg was between Red's and he was holding him back with both hands on his shoulders. Red's eyes opened wide with fear. He had never seen such a primal, hungry look on a man's face before. Before he had any idea what was happening, the man darted his head forward and Red felt agonising pain at the side of his neck. He struggled for nearly a minute before he passed out, the smell of blood in his nostrils…

Red woke up with Lizzy lying half on top of him, her arms wrapped around his torso.

'Red, wake up, dammit!'

He stared at her, his eyes wide. As she sighed her relief at the fact he was awake, she briefly noticed something else in his eyes she'd never seen there before. But before she could work out just what it was, it was gone.

'Lizzy…..'

'Hey, hey. It's okay. You just had a nightmare'.

Red's heart hadn't slowed down yet, he was terrified he may've revealed something in his sleep. Although he was hugely relieved that he hadn't done anything to harm Lizzy whilst he was in the throes of reliving the second worst night of his life.

'What was it about?', he asked, preparing himself for her revelation.

Lizzy smiled at him and sat up, relinquishing her grip on his arms, 'Well, I don't know, do I, silly? However, apparently you don't speak English'.

Red stared at her, letting her words soak in. So he had said something. However, she didn't seem worried or scared so he gratefully allowed himself to believe that he had gotten away with it.

'Right, okay….. Well, that's a new one', Red replied, a slight tremor in his voice.

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, yes. I am. That was just a very vivid nightmare'

Lizzy lay back down and pulled Red's blanket back up to cover him, 'It certainly sounded that way. You were thrashing around and talking Spanish. Not quite sure what I was expecting in my first night sharing a bed with Raymond Reddington but that wasn't it'.

She winked at him and closed her eyes, 'Goodnight, Red. I hope that was the last of your nightmares'.

'Goodnight…'

But Red's mind was elsewhere. Nothing had happened this time but what if there were a repeat performance? And had Lizzy really just said 'expecting in her first night' sharing a bed with him? Had she imagined it before? Or did she just mean over the course of today? He rolled his eyes at himself and turned to face away from her. These thoughts were the last thing he needed to be worrying about right now. He had to get some decent sleep so that he could come up with some kind of strategy tomorrow. As their time here went on, he was just going to become more and more dangerous to her.


	6. Chapter 6

When Red awoke the following morning, he felt surprisingly rested despite his nightmare. Memories of that night would often haunt his dreams, especially in moments of high stress. Obviously his life was frequently stressful but the fact he currently had Lizzy to worry about along with himself meant that he could probably expect further disturbed dreams whilst they were down here.

Turning to regard Lizzy, he saw she was still fast asleep. However, she had a deep frown creasing her perfect brow. The urge to reach over and smooth out that furrow saw him lift his arm and move it towards her. It was only with an inch to spare that he managed to stop himself. Bringing his hand back to his side, he continued to watch her sleep, a small smile creeping up over his face despite everything. She really was the most beautiful woman in the world. He knew he was biased in that opinion but he didn't care. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for his precious Lizzy.

Sighing softly, he sat up and slowly got off the mattress. Taking his clothes, he locked himself in the small bathroom and commenced washing his undershirt. He also washed his boxers and hung them both to dry over the shower rail. Wearing just his dress shirt and going commando under his suit trousers, he re-emerged from the bathroom to find Lizzy sitting up on the mattress, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

'Good morning, Lizzy. I hope you slept okay after I woke you up?'

'Hey Red. Yeah, not too bad. This mattress sucks though'

Red chuckled as he came back over to her side, 'Yes, indeed it does. I may need to do some stretching actually, my back is feeling pretty stiff'

Lizzy stood and headed off towards the bathroom, 'Oh, sweetheart, I washed a couple of items of clothing and hung them in there. I would have done some for you but I think you're wearing pretty much everything'.

Lizzy smiled as she closed the door, 'No worries, Red, I'll wash my own underwear. But nice try', she said as she winked at him.

Thankfully she wasn't able to see Red's reaction. He was taken aback by her comment and then slightly aroused. Turning away from the door, he hurried over to the food supplies to see what he could find to rustle up for Lizzy's breakfast, desperate to distract himself.

By the time she had returned, he had opened up a can of hot dog wieners and some more beans. He'd even managed to find some long-life OJ and so had poured some of that for each of them.

Lizzy came over and sat next to him on the mattress. Glancing as furtively as he could at her attire he saw she wasn't wearing her blouse, just her jacket over her bra. He could only imagine if she too had gone commando as he had. Maybe if he were to go in the bathroom in a little while he could…..

'Red, you okay? You look a little…. Odd?'

He turned to her quickly, opening his mouth and worrying if she'd read his mind, 'No, no, I'm fine. Just wondering if we could set fire to something in here in order to cook this food'. Oh, nice one, Raymond. Of course she's gonna believe that.

Lizzy peered closely at him and then laughed, 'Well, that does sound much more pleasant than having to eat this cold but I'm pretty sure the smoke would kill us. Might not be worth it'.

'Er, no…'

'Maybe if we had a nice cut of steak I'd be willing to chance it though'

He smiled at her and lifted his can up to hers, 'Cheers'. She smiled back at him and they clinked cans.

'You make sure you swap me those wieners when you're halfway through, buster. I'm already fed up of beans'.

'Of course, Lizzy. I would never deny you your fair share of wieners'

Lizzy nearly spat out the mouthful of beans she was eating and looked at Red in mock horror. He was trying desperately not to laugh but failing miserably.

'Oh, dear. Is this what I've got to look forward to for the next two weeks?'

Red's smiled faded as she looked away from him. If only that was what she could expect from him. What he would give just to hang out with his girl and make dirty comments. Do anything to make her smile. He needed to clear his head and start thinking about what he was going to do in about five days time. But stuck in this tiny room, there was no respite from Lizzy's presence long enough for him to find the peace he needed. Popping the last of his share of processed meat into his mouth, he passed his can to Lizzy and took the half can of beans in return. Grimacing, he started to scoop them into his mouth. The fact he didn't actually have to eat this slop in order to survive was a particular irony. He still enjoyed a good meal; lobster, steak, foie gras, but he only ever ate when in company that would expect to see him do so. He never felt hungry. Well, not for regular food anyway.

After breakfast, Red took their spoons and cups into the bathroom to give them a quick wash. Whilst he was in there he couldn't help himself. He glanced up at the shower rail and there, next to his undershirt and boxers, were Lizzy's blouse and her panties. So she was naked under her jeans. For a few seconds he couldn't tear his eyes away from them. Then he thought what an invasion of privacy it was for him to be so furtive in his appreciation. He turned to the door, laughing a little when he wondered whether Lizzy had had the same problem staring at his boxers.

'What's so funny?'

Blinking at Lizzy as he came out of the bathroom, he hastily rearranged his facial expression, 'Oh, nothing really. Just, er, had a silly thought'

'Care to share? I could do with a laugh right about now'

'It's really not worth it, my dear. Now, how would you feel about a game of chess?'

'We didn't finish making all the pieces yet'

'Ah, but I had a brainwave. Let's rip some letters off the cans. 'K' for King, 'B' for Bishop etcetera'

'Genius, Red'

'Yes, a little'

Lizzy nudged him in his side as he looked at her smugly, 'Okay, no need to gloat. So we'll use white letters and black letters to differentiate. What about 'Q' though? For Queen? I don't think we have any cans with that letter on'.

Glancing down at the assorted goods in front of him, Red realised she was right. He bent down and picked up some Oreos and some corn.

'Let's just use 'O' instead. I'm sure we each have enough imagination to picture a little squiggle intersecting the circle'

Lizzy laughed and took the packages from him, 'Oh, Red, you're on fire today. Can't wait to take you down a peg or two when I beat you'.

'It hardly seems likely'

'Red!'

But she couldn't stay mad at him, not with the way he was staring at her, a huge grin on his face. Damn him, that boyish smile would always win her over.

'Fine. Let's get started'

An hour later and they'd completed 3 games. Red had won each one quite easily and Lizzy was starting to get frustrated. When he knocked over her King, or to be more exact, blew her scrap of paper with a 'K' on it off the board, she practically growled at him. This in turn made Red roar with laughter. Trying to keep a serious face, Lizzy found she just couldn't and soon started laughing too.

'Well, it turns out I really do suck at chess. Maybe we could make a checkers board instead…'

'Now, now, Lizzy. I'd be more than happy to help you learn how to play the game a little more tactically. We have time'.

'I guess. But I've definitely had enough for now. I'm gonna go take a shower I think. Don't do anything I wouldn't whilst I'm gone'.

Watching her disappear into the bathroom, Red sighed and glanced around. This was going to get quite tedious. Well, before it became something more serious than that. Heading over to the boxes he started having a good look through them all. The food didn't interest him at all but he hoped he might find something else in there that could occupy their time. However, other than a first aid kit, he didn't find anything in the food boxes. Turning to the last box, one filled with toilet paper, he really didn't hold out much hope. Tipping it upside down, he had practically looked away before he noticed treasure falling out of it. Treasure in the form of four paperbacks. He picked them up and scanned the titles. Just generic thrillers. He didn't know whether Malcolm Simmons was attempting humour but they were all about international criminals and smuggling. Damn that man. Still, at least he had left them something other than the bare necessities.

Leaving the books on the mattress, he went and sat in the middle of the floor. He really needed to get the crick out of his back from last night. If he didn't deal with it now, by tomorrow he'd be in agony. From past experience, a spot of yoga would probably do the trick.

Lizzy finished in the shower and as she was too hot from the steam in such an enclosed space, she came back out into the main room wearing just a towel wrapped around her. She'd cool off before she got dressed again. Taking two steps into the room, she openly gaped at the sight of Red doing the downward dog position right in front of her. Good lord, he had a fine ass….

Red heard her coming out and as quickly as he could, he came down from his yoga pose so as not to embarrass himself further. Turning to grin sheepishly at Lizzy, instead his own jaw dropped as he saw her standing there in just a towel, her hair wet and beads of moisture falling down her body.

For a second neither of them could look away. Then, simultaneously, they both mumbled apologies and hastily made themselves busy doing something else. Lizzy went to the mattress and sat down, her face lighting up when she saw the books there. Red went into the bathroom, pretending he needed to use the facilities. By the time he'd emerged, the moment was near forgotten.

'This kidnapper of yours left us books? He really can't make up his mind whether he wants us to suffer or not, can he?'

Red looked over at her and smiled, 'Yes, it is rather perplexing. However, I imagine keeping us here is just his way of saying he's in charge. And that I will probably be more amenable to his 'business proposition' when he comes to talk to me if I'm not in an entirely foul mood'.

Liz hummed and continued reading the back of the books, 'Well, they look pretty silly. And his point is rather less than subtle, but they're better than nothing'.

Red came over and sat down next to her, 'I may read some now actually. You?'

'Yeah, I'll just cool off a little longer then I'll get dressed and join you'

The rest of the day and evening passed by much more pleasantly, each of them deeply involved in reading their respective books. Red was a very fast reader and even though he was trying not to race through his book, he had still finished it by dinner time. Ah, well, he thought to himself. By the time I've read all four of them I'll have other things to occupy my mind.

After dinner, they both decided just to turn in and to read a little longer. Their first full day of captivity had been one in which they had realised two weeks was going to be a very long time with little to do and so they were both rather subdued. At last they both put their books down and settled under the blankets.

'Goodnight, Red. I hope you don't have any more bad dreams'

'Thank you, Lizzy. I hope so too. I certainly don't want to wake you up by shouting in my sleep every night'

Liz smiled at him and then turned away, although she could still feel his eyes upon her. She smiled a little, knowing that he was staring at her. Something about that fact made her happy. She dropped off pretty quickly and Red just kept watching her from behind, noting how her breathing slowed. He felt so protective of her and so privileged to be able to be the one to look out for her. But he still hadn't worked out how to protect her from himself. Eventually his eyes dropped closed and he joined her in her slumbers.

The youthful Raymond Reddington slowly blinked awake. His head was drooping on his chest, he barely had the energy to lift it. But as he became more aware of his situation, the adrenalin kicked in and he forced himself to raise his head, looking about the room he was in. He was on the floor, shackled to the wall behind him. There were two other people in the room with him, both female. One was completely unconscious, the other not far off it. They both looked filthy and like they'd been down here a few days. Grimacing, he tried to swallow but found he had no saliva in his mouth. What he would give for some water right now.

Just as he was attempting to see if his handcuffs could be worked loose, he heard a sound from outside the door. A second later, a tall man with bright blond hair came in and strode towards the three captives.

'Hey, who are you? What's going on here?', Red managed to say, although his voice was hardly above a whisper.

The man glanced in his direction briefly but didn't answer. Instead he unlocked the cuffs on the unconscious girl and lifted her into his arms.

'What are you doing? Leave her alone!'

But Red's words were in vain. The man simply walked back out the door with the girl and then shut and locked it behind him. Red looked at the other girl in the room, who had briefly been roused by the man coming in before dropping back into her semi-conscious state. He noticed what looked like bite marks on her neck and his eyes widened. Suddenly he had a flashback to the alleyway. Looking down at his own clothing, he saw that his shirt was covered in blood over half his chest. What the hell was going on here? But he had no ability to think it through right now. The alcohol was still coursing through his system and the blood he'd lost was making him weak. Before he knew it, his head had lolled to the side and he had passed out again.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days and nights passed in a similar pattern. The days were spent eating increasingly unappetising canned foods and playing chess or checkers. The evenings reading or sometimes Red would tell Lizzy some of his more outlandish anecdotes in an effort to entertain her. He had not had a nightmare since their second night there and despite the fact his hunger was growing within him, he was glad that at least he had some respite from his torment when he was asleep.

On the evening of the sixth night, that all changed. They went to bed as usual, each now perfectly accustomed to sharing a bed with the other. Both read some more of their respective books, trying to eek out the last of the four before they ran out of reading material. Red switched the light out and they went to sleep. At least, Lizzy did. Red was by now ravenously hungry. For the past two days he had been insisting they ate mainly the meat products they had been provided in a desperate bit to sate his inhuman appetite, but to no avail. It didn't matter what he ate, there was only one substance on earth that could keep him alive. And only one thing on his mind as he slowly drifted off to sleep. The last thing he remembered as his brain slipped into unconsciousness was being able to hear, far clearer than he normally would have been able to, the strong, steady beat of Lizzy's heart.

In Red's dream he was back in that terrible cell he had been trapped within many years before. Both of the girls who had been in there with him had been taken away and neither had returned. He was now on his own. His captors had not yet taken him away and he still didn't dare to imagine what went on once he was party to that particular adventure, but he knew in his heart of hearts what his fate would be.

Sure enough, at about the same time as usual, the blond haired man came into the cell and smiled at Red, a smile that turned Red's blood to ice. He came over to him and crouched down, reaching out to stroke Red's cheek. Red wanted to say something, anything, but he found he had no words. The man undid Red's restraints and hauled him to his feet, yanking him towards the door and then off down the corridor. Red then found himself in a darkened room, its only occupant sitting on a grand chair on the far side, reading what looked like a very old book.

'Sir, dinner is served'

The man looked up from his book only briefly and then summoned them both over with a lazy hand gesture. As they stood there, waiting to be acknowledged, he took his time finishing the chapter he was reading before closing the book and looking at Red properly for the first time.

'A man?'

'I'm sorry, sir. Diego brought him in the other night. You know how he has cravings for male blood. We thought just to kill him but realised that would be a waste of food'

'Hmmm….. Well, much as male meat is not really to my taste, I guess he'll have to do. But next time, please, a pretty young woman. It adds to the whole dining experience'.

The blond man nodded once and then left Red by the chair and left the room. Red didn't even think to try to escape, he was too weak still from his first draining and no food since then. Not to mention, that for the first time in his entire life, well – with one exception, he was truly terrified. He decided to just wait and see what was going to happen next.

'So, you're going to have to do then, aren't you? Ah, well, beggars can't be choosers. And it is increasingly difficult these days to find donors who aren't immediately missed. Be a good boy and get down on your knees'

Red frowned at the man and then shook his head. He didn't realise he'd done it until it had happened and then immediately regretted it. The man's face look briefly amused and then furious. The next thing Red knew he was facedown on the floor and his shirt was being ripped off…

Red woke up screaming and clutching at his dress shirt. Lizzy was by his side in an instant, her hands stilling his, her mouth by his ear, trying so hard to calm him down. His frantic movements had succeeded in ripping away half of his buttons and she shifted her weight so that she was basically on top of him.

'Red, please, calm down. It's only a nightmare, please calm down'

But Red's eyes were flaming, his teeth bared in a snarl and he gripped her upper arms so hard she knew there would be bruises there. For a few seconds he stared into her eyes and she truly had no idea what was going to happen next, she couldn't recognise the man she knew in that moment. Then she found herself being thrown across the mattress so vehemently that she fell off the far side. She heard Red utter a guttural growl and by the time she had turned towards him again, he had gotten up and was in the bathroom.

Lizzy sat up and gathered the blankets around her. She knew that what she'd just witnessed was just the effects of a particularly awful nightmare. And she also knew that Red, more than most people, probably had a terrible source of real life situations he must relive when asleep. But there was something about this one that had seemed so different. She had genuinely believed, for the first time since she'd met him, that he might do her some harm. She made herself calm down by slowing her breaths and waited for him to re-emerge from the bathroom.

After ten minutes of hearing the shower running, eventually Red must've turned it off as Liz heard the old pipes groan with the exertion. Two minutes after that he emerged, wearing his undershirt and pants. He came straight over to the bed and sat down, the look on his face so heartbreakingly sad that, despite her misgivings and fear, it was all she could do not to wrap him up in her arms.

'I'm so sorry, Elizabeth. That…..that was a particularly vivid dream. It took me a while to wake up fully from it. I hope I didn't scare you'

As Red finished speaking he looked up at Lizzy from under his brow, his eyes full of sorrow. He looked like a scolded puppy. Lizzy's heart broke as she locked eyes with him. She was just about to crawl across the bed to hold him when his eyes opened wide.

'Please, please tell me those marks on your arms are not my doing, sweetheart?'

Lizzy looked down at her upper arms and saw two very obvious bright red hand marks, the early stages of what would be two impressive bruises. She pulled the blanket higher and hid them from sight.

'It was. But it's okay. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, you were pretty out of it'.

Red's expression was utterly unreadable. She saw sorrow, fury, loathing and fear all wrapped up into one package but couldn't really decide which was most predominant. She desperately wanted to move towards him but instinctively knew he would reject her advances.

'I think I should sleep elsewhere for the rest of the night'

'No, Red, don't be silly. A cold concrete floor isn't going to allow you any rest. And you didn't lay a finger on me until I woke you and touched you. Just stay here and I promise if you have more nightmares, I'll just let you be'

'Lizzy, I can't…..'

'Yes, you can. Don't you dare disappear off to some other part of this hellhole and suffer just because of some silly nightmares. Besides, even if you do, I'd only come and lie next to you anyway'

Red looked up at Lizzy and smiled a very small smile. He knew she wasn't kidding.

'Okay, sweetheart. But can you do me one favour?'

'Of course'

'Can you tie my hands together?'

'Red, don't be ridiculous, that's not necessary!'

'It is. And if you don't, I'll go and lock myself in the bathroom and sleep like a coiled snake on that tiny floor'

Lizzy looked at him and realised he had every intention of following through with his threat. She sighed loudly and looked about for something to tie his hands with.

'Unless we start ripping clothing or blankets, I don't know what…'

'The handcuffs'

'Are you serious?'

'Deadly. I assume you still have the key?'

'Yes…..'

'Okay, then do it. Please. And do it behind my back. Please, Lizzy. Or I won't get to sleep at all'

Lizzy stood up and fetched the handcuffs. She checked she still knew exactly where the key was and then fastened them as loosely as she could behind Red's back. Sitting back on the mattress she looked at him and saw his face flooded with relief.

'Thank you, Lizzy'

She leant forward and held him tightly in her arms for a few seconds, kissing his cheek lightly as she pulled away.

'I'm not happy about this. But if it keeps you here on the mattress, then fine'

He nodded and then lay down on his front, immediately uncomfortable but beyond grateful she hadn't put up too much of a fight defying his wishes.

Lizzy leant over and pulled the blanket up over him, gently stroking the side of his head as she did so.

'This is crazy, really. But sleep well, Red', she said as she lay back down and pulled the blanket over herself.

'Goodnight, my dear. It will all be fine now'

Lizzy dropped off to sleep after nearly an hour, Red religiously listening to her breaths eventually become those of a person who had gained unconsciousness. He sighed long and slowly, buried his head in his pillow and prayed to whatever gods there may be that he would not have any more nightmares or unnatural urges this night.


End file.
